superhero week is going awesome! we’ve made logos, masks, utility belts, and tie-dye shirts so far. tomorrow is our costume day. i’m captain pink, aka i already have a costume.

but tomorrow is also evaluation day, which i am like insanely nervous about. since i’m the assistant director now, i’ve been helping my director with the staff evaluations, but he does mine on his own. no one has gotten a perfect or near-perfect eval yet, which is why i’m worried. last year i got all 1s except one 2. you see, they aren’t allowed to give perfect evaluations for the first eval, only the second eval at the end of the summer, to indicate “improvement.” so they gave me a 2 in some stupid category, told me that it wasn’t exactly true, and i was happy with that. but i think the director this year is too concerned with showing improvement, so he’s giving out a lot more 2s and 3s than i would have expected. i know this is a stupid thing to get worked up over, but it’s my first year as assistant director — i don’t want to find out that i’m not doing a good job.

oh, and i’m beginning to think i have actually developed an obsessive compulsive disorder.
- i go into work an hour early to sweep and tidy up, even though i don’t get paid for it.
- every time i pass something that’s crooked or disorganized, i stop to fix it. this includes piles of paper on the sign-in table at work, things that have been hung on walls, the game table/staff table/other tables and such at work, and et cetera.
- i noticed when i play battleship that i make subconsciously guesses in a symmetrical pattern, and i sometimes don’t put white pegs in when it upsets this symmetry and instead commit the miss to memory.
- i clean my room every day, multiple times a day. well, not really clean, since it’s not dirty, but i tidy.

basically, i’m slowly going insane.

well i have been stuck on “epic fail” for the past few days.

(1) yesterday was obvs “let’s all do things that creep miss m out” day at FRES. it all started out when a boy walked into the room in the morning with a ginormous beetle on him. i almost jumped onto a table, i swear. a few minutes later, a girl walks in, her previously very long hair now cut short. i said, “cute haircut!” and she came over to me, pulled out a shoebox from her backback, and proceeded to show me a box full of her hair. A BOX FULL OF HER HAIR. soooooooo effing creepy. the teacher and i told her she had to put it in her locker, half for sanitary reasons, and half because we were so creeped out. and to top it all off a girl lost her tooth after recess. and we all know how much i hate seeing: a) loose teeth, b) teeth not inside mouths, c) places were teeth used to be but aren’t any longer, and d) blood. ew.

(2) i’ve been constantly worrying about money lately. like to extreme proportions. but i feel it’s justified. when i started high school i started saving my money. when i graduated high school, i had saved around $6,000. now that i have recently finished my first year of college, i have around $3,500. WTF WAS I DOING ALL YEAR? i’m really mad at myself right now. so mad that i bought $127 worth of shoes this morning.

(3) why are kids so keen to point out every single one of your faults CONSTANTLY? it’s seriously driving me insane. i know why i suck, guys! i don’t need to be reminded! ETA: although today the kids gave the counselors awards, and i got “most awesome pink haired counselor.” very cute : )

i’m having a really bad day. no, week. i feel like a failure and that really sucks. i think college and life have finally caught up to me all at the same time. i don’t really want to go into any more detail than that, but that’s why i haven’t been posting that much recently. i wish i had something to look forward to.

</angst>

ETA: my mom made my day much better just now — thanks for calling me mom : )

well, today has been… well, FUCKING AWFUL.

6:45am- my alarm goes off. it’s class registration day, you see. my time was 7:15am, so i thought i’d get up early enough to check and see if all the classes i wanted to take were still open. some of them weren’t, so i was a little ticked off, but i was okay with it, because that’s normal.

7:00am- i start to get my registration materials together: my login PIN, class numbers, professor names, et cetera. but i soon realized that i misplaced the paper i had written my registration PIN on. so i frantically turned my side of the room upside down looking for it while megan registered for her classes.

7:10am- i called both the records office and the school of education, and discovered that both do not open until 8am.

7:15am- megan got back in bed and went to sleep, and i painfully watched as every single class on my list filled up and eventually closed.

7:30am- out of ideas, i unplugged my laptop, threw on some jeans and a hoodie, and booked it to the school of education (i didn’t even bother making my bed or grabbing a dr pepper, oh my!). i had hoped that maybe the secretary would get there a little early. i sat in an armchair in the office, set up my computer on my lap, and waited.

8:55am- the secretary arrived. within minutes i had my PIN.

9:00am- i didn’t even bother to walk back to my room, i set up my laptop at the first “wireless zone” sign i came across in the hallway. CHEM 103 was open, so i grabbed a seat. MATH 140 was also open, and it was even the section i wanted originally, so i grabbed that. INTD 203 had one section open, the one with the terrible professor, but i had to take it. MATH 222 was closed. and PSYC 203 was closed.

9:20am- back at my dorm room, megan was long gone, so i had plenty of time to be depressed about my life before my physics lab at 10. (also, if any of you were lucky enough to read that locked livejournal post from a few weeks ago, i may have defaulted on what i said. fuck.)

10:00am- physics lab.

12:15pm- when i got back to my room, i checked the closed classes to see if any seats had opened up, and to my surprise, there was a seat in MATH 222! so that brought my class total up to four, only 14 credits.

 
“i knew something was wrong when i woke up at eight and you were gone, your bed wasn’t made, and your computer was missing. i was generally concerned for your life.”
–megan pogemiller

super short office meta tonight, i have to study for my anthropology exam. the exam i have to do well on, or i might very well fail the course. i’m not even kidding. i have a C right now, and i’m super stressing out. my day has been awful. i need to calm the heck down but i just can’t. i just want to go to bed and sleep for more than 6 hours. i could really use a good night of sleep, but college isn’t allowing that this week.

ANYWAY, enough complaining, let’s get to the fangirling.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT, DUH.

( continue reading this entry! )

i’m having a bad day. an epically bad day.

1. i’m still sick.
2. i forgot to eat breakfast, even though i got up early by accident and had time to kill.
3. since i didn’t eat breakfast, i forgot to brush my teefs.
4. when it came time to go to anthropology, i grabbed my bag and left, forgetting to actually put my notebooks and folders in for anthro and calc.
5. they served tator tots instead of french fries at lunch. i hate tator tots.
6. i still didn’t get any mail. it’s lonely here.
7. megan and i got to the union early to play guitar hero 3, so we waited at a table. when the desk opened to sign it out, some guy managed to get in line before us and signed it out first.
8. marie attacked me when i was reading a sign, and alexa didn’t warn me in time.
9. after laying on the ground of my dorm room because i felt so crappy, i got up to go to the drinking fountain and alexa attacked me the second i opened up the door. bad timing.
10. i managed to get stabbed in the face somehow between the union and right now, and i have a scratch on my cheek.

this list is to be continued. i’m 99.9% sure that my day isn’t going to get any better. it hasn’t gotten better, but it also hasn’t gotten worse (although i have to study for my big calc test right now, and i keep get distracted).

i was very tempted to cheer myself up by purchasing this awesome rubik’s cube t-shirt, but i don’t think going through my perpetually diminishing savings is going to really help much.

it’s done. it’s gone.

can you believe i actually cried afterwards? this is so embarrassing.

i’m not a very sentimental person, usually. but today, that hasn’t been true. since i’m home for the weekend, i’m obviously sleeping in my old room. i say old room, because i don’t really think it’s mine anymore. liz has put some of her belongings in here, and my mom sleeps here sometimes.

and because i’m a very possessive person, i felt it necessary to remove all my things, so that no one else would touch them. i know that sounds incredibly self-centered, but my room means a little more to me than a bedroom should. the walls are like a memorial of my life since year 0 (year 0 being 2000, when my parents painted my room a shade i hated, and i felt compelled to “fix it”). my walls are covered in personal things, most having no meaning to anyone besides me. and this is the reason that i’m talking it all down. all of it.

i found that the more i took down, the more sad i felt. i mean, i’ve been working on this for 7 years, and now that i have it just perfect, it’s being destroyed. i’m not going to throw [all of] it out, though. i’m going to make a scrapbook-type archive of it. but it could never represent what my room, my sanctuary, has meant to me.

OMG CLASSES START TOMORROW.

part of me is kind of excited to finally learn what a college class is like, but mostly i’m scared more than i have ever been in my entire life. i really don’t think i can handle it. it’s all i could really think about today.

but, i did do some semi-productive things today. we finally walked across campus to the other dinning hall, to see what it was like. i attended the book discussion for our required reading (into the wild, a nonfiction novel), and was majorly bored. i went to convocation and listened to a hilarious speech by a physics teacher about appreciating the geek in all of us. and we went to wegmans. ah, i love wegmans.

so last night i had a dream that i was a teacher at hogwarts (first years only) and it was basically the best job in the world and i was awesome at doing magic and stuffs.

believe it or not, the moral of the story is actually NOT that i’m a total nerd and need to get a life. it is that maybe i should think about majoring in education. i think about it plenty, mostly because every single person at work seems to be, and because whenever adults ask me about my future and i say i don’t know, they automatically say that i should be a teacher. i’ll admit, it really does appeal to me. but i don’t think i’d be any good at it. sure, i can explain how to play blob tag fairly well, but explaining things that actually have a purpose aren’t really like that. i wish it could be more like work, i love camp to bits.

speaking of camp, i wonder how old you have to be to be an assistant director? i feel like i’d be pretty good at it (i hope i don’t sound like i’m really egotistical, because i don’t think i am). lol, i just spent like three minutes listing reasons why, and then remembered who reads this (hey guys!). so i’m pretty much going to shut up now. but seriously, when i’m old enough, i’d really like to do that. i’d love to be involved more now, without the title, but whenever i volunteer to do things that no one else wants to do, i feel really guilty because everyone’s always like, you don’t have to do that lanni, you always do that. their guilt makes me feel guilty. story of my life (i have had a big problem with being a spineless martyr in the past, just ask my mom and dad, they could go on about it for hours).

</angst>

i’m using my old keyboard again. i can’t believe that new one crapped out so quickly. i guess having a key board with a broken spacebar that’s duct taped together is better than one that has several dysfunctional keys (the m doesn’t work at all now). bah.

i gave blood today, yay! it was very exciting since i have had low iron levels for a record THIRTEEN MONTHS. my arm aches now though, but it feels good to save lives.

i’m going through that stage at the end of the school year when i really don’t want to do any work, but i have two HUGE projects due, one next week and one two weeks from now. both count as my final exam grade. and i’m really stressing out. i think about them all the time, but every time i go to do them i find something else to do. i’m setting my mac alarm to 7am, and i’m turning up the volume on my speakers really loud before i go to bed. i AM going to work on them tomorrow.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!